MAKING THE MOST OF YOUR SERVICE

There are a number of ways that you can get the best out of your service. It’s important to follow the instructions we give you when we pass on a match, and to read the Tips for Success in your welcome pack.
1. Keep the initial phone call short & to the point. The purpose of the phone call is to make an arrangement to meet, not to get to know each other or determine compatibility. In order to know if this person may be the right one for you, you need to MEET. Face to Face. And the longer people talk on the phone, the less likely it is to end in a meeting. And that is a lost opportunity.
2. No texting. Never text with someone you don’t know. It assumes an intimacy that isn’t there yet and is also very easy to be taken the wrong way.
3. No exchanging photos. Meet face to face and see if there is chemistry. You can’t cuddle a photo. There are many reasons you can be attracted to someone. It might be their shy sweetness. It might be the confident way they walk and hold themselves. It might be how when they laugh their whole face lights up. You won’t get any of these things from a photo.
4. Don’t talk about the past, only the future. Who really cares how long the person has been with the agency, how many dates he/she has been on or what membership fee they paid? Does this affect in any way whether or not you could make each other happy? Asking these things makes the other person feel you are judging them, and non of us like that feeling.
5. Also avoid talking about past partners and past relationships. Nobody wants to hear about your exes faults, nor do they want to hear how wonderful they were.
6. Give honest feedback about each person you meet. Not only will this help us match you accurately, it will help us match the other person as well.
7. Stay positive. Every meeting is a step in the journey and every person has something to offer. Even if they are not the right one for you, be glad to meet them and grateful for the opportunity to practice your conversation skills.
We are always happy to help so call if you are needing assistance with any aspect of your service 🙂

The recipe for Love Success!

Who better to ask than a couple who have been married for 71 years?

It seems the secret is to have fun when you are together, not necessarily to be together every second or to do everything together. Having your own interests is healthy! You won’t agree on everything so it is important to respect your partners beliefs even if you don’t agree with them – if your differences are so fundamental that you are unable to respect their beliefs you most likely shouldn’t be together – and to find that happy medium where you can both be feel valued.

sun article 120215

 

Forget the fantasy and you’ll find real-life love

I love this article, it says brilliantly something I’ve been telling people for years. There is no such thing as one perfect soul-mate. There are potentially thousands of wonderful soul-mates out there. The key is to stop waiting around for this fantasy perfect person who is going to miraculously come along and do and be everything you want. Open your mind and your heart and give yourself the opportunity to meet someone with whom you can build a joyous and satisfying life.

Chances are they won’t be perfect. They may be a bit shorter or a bit older than you dream of. They might leave the lid off the toothpaste or the seat up on the loo. But they might also cook you fantastic meals or write you inspired love notes or love your kids or grandkids as their own.  Love doesn’t come down from the heavens like a lightening bolt. It starts with 2 people with mutual attraction and an enjoyment of each others company. The rest is up to you to build.

http://www.theblaze.com/contributions/i-didnt-marry-the-one-she-become-the-one-after-i-married-her/

 

Be nice and don’t miss out by being too picky

Interesting article in today’s news.com.au, originally sourced from the New York Post. I don’t think there is anything in it I don’t agree with. Some good advice indeed!

A lesson in what NOT to do!

Wow. No wonder this guy is advertising on Craiglist. No self respecting matchmaker would take on this case!!

http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/relationships/gentleman8217-seeks-8216worthy8217-woman-in-craigslist-ad/story-fnet0gly-1226707211560

Whilst this gentleman is an extreme case, it is a good lesson to all of us about whether we have expectations that may be a little unrealistic.  It’s important not to have a huge list of musts and must nots, and to not lay out a list of rules or expectations of a future partner. Otherwise you’ll never find one 😉

Cheers

Joanne

 

Opposites really do attract!

Saw this great article today about one of my favourite celebrity ‘odd’ couples, Kirk Pengilly and Layne Beachley.  On the surface they don’t look like a ‘match’ and they were far from impressed with first impressions. But once they relaxed, stopped judging and self sabotaging and just went with the flow, they discovered they were exactly what each other needed. And 13 years later they are still going strong.

http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/relationships/layne-beachley-and-kirk-pengilly-admit-first-date-was-a-disaster/story-fnet09p2-1226676408108

So who are some other celebrity couple who’ve shown the right person for you could be quite different to what you thought?

Mariah Carey & Nick Cannon – She’s 43, he’s 32, they married in 2008 after dating for just 6 weeks!  5 years and 2 babies later they still look as happy as ever!

Hugh Jackman & Deborra-Lee Furness – He’s 44, she’s 57, they have been together 18 years and still seem very happy.

Michael Douglas & Catherine Zeta Jones – Despite a 25 year age gap and a number of medical issues, these two have been together for 15 years and are going strong.

Harrison Ford & Calista Flockhart – Again a big age difference (22 years) and they’ve been together since 2002, married in 2010 and raising a son together.

So what is the lesson here?   Maybe it’s time to lose the list of ‘must haves’ and open yourself up for who the universe wants to send you 🙂

Here’s another very apt quote from the fantastic Tony Robbins –

“The more rules you have about how people have to be, how life has to be for you to be happy, the less happy you’re going to be.”

Much Love to You

Joanne XX

PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE

And good things come to those who wait. There seems to be an increasing impatience in society. We want what we want, and we want it now. We want instant results, and if we don’t get them, it must be someone elses fault. One of the big changes I’ve noticed in matchmaking over the last 20 odd years is the time frame in which matches are done. Once upon I time, when people joined, we would advise them to expect a match in within 7 days. These days, most people expect to get their first match on the same day. And if that doesn’t work out, they are looking for another match the next day.

There is no doubt about it, loneliness is a terrible thing. A real, physical pain. It can be crushing and debilitating. I understand that when a person has made the decision to end their loneliness and find a partner, they want it to happen NOW. Everybody hopes that they will join, meet one person and live happily ever after. And for some people, it does happen. Which is great. But for the vast majority of people, the first person won’t be the right person. We are good, but we are not magic!

Most people will need to meet a number of people before they meet the right person. Some people will need to meet a large number. This is a process. When you are looking for the right person, you are looking for someone whose company you enjoy, someone you are physically attracted to and someone who shares enough of your beliefs and values for the two of you to be able to make a life together. This is not going to happen with everyone. The right person may not even be on the books yet. Every month we receive around 300 enquiries from New Zealand and 250 enquiries from Australia, so there are always plenty of new opportunities.

The key to success is to RELAX. Just BREATHE. Know the right person is out there and trust that you deserve to be loved and to be happy. When an introduction doesn’t work out, instead of thinking of it as a ‘failure’, just remember that each person you meet brings you one step closer to meeting the person who is right for you. Every person has a value, they all have good points and bad points and there may be some great friends that you can make along the way.

Unlike other ‘life improvement’ type services, sometimes people can get disappointed because the results are not visible. When you work with a personal fitness trainer, it will take time to get to your ideal result, but if you do the work you will start to see gradual changes which can help with the motivation to keep going. Finding the right person can seem more of an ‘all or nothing’ outcome. In that until you find that perfect person, you will still be single. But just because the results are not visible, doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Every time you meet someone new you get a great opportunity to a) brush up your dating skills, b)learn something new from the other person, c) widen your circle of friends and most importantly, d)learn more about yourself and what you are looking for in a partner, and by giving us your feedback, you will help us match you more accurately next time.

So look for the silver lining in any cloud, remember you are a great and marvellous creation and if you stay positive and authentic, you WILL find love and happiness!

Estate Agents for the Heart

When asked to describe how this business works, I often compare matchmaking to the similar ‘listing’ industries of Real Estate and Recruitment.  Since Real Estate is something most of us have some experience with, I find it is the most useful to illustrate how we work and the ways that our clients can help us help them.

When you engage a Real Estate Agent, you want them to get you the best price and generally in the shortest possible time. Most people would know though, that “best price” and “shortest time” are not always compatible.  The highest likelihood is that the Agent will not have the perfect buyer for you sitting on their books waiting. Those people already waiting  are there  either because they are waiting for the “desperate” buyer who needs to sell immediately at any price or they have looked at every property that comes in any can’t find anything they like, usually because their expectations don’t fit their budget.  In most cases  the Agent  will use their wide network and extensive marketing to attract a constant stream of people who are looking to buy and one of those will be right for you.

Likewise, most people come to a matchmaker because they want them to find the best possible person in the shortest space of time. And again, “best possible partner” and “shortest possible time” are not always compatible.  And whilst desperation may be great for the savvy real estate investor, it’s probably not something most people are looking for in a partner.  So remember, when using a matchmaker, that the ideal person for you may well not be on our books right now.  In fact it’s quite likely that we will need to  use our extensive network and marketing to attract a steady stream of singles and one of those will be right for you.  Just as your Real Estate Agent will advise you not to expect to get a satisfactory offer from the first person that looks, as Matchmakers, we want our clients to understand that they will most likely have to meet  a number of people before they meet someone they wish to see regularly.

When you list your property with an agent, they will ask you for your ideal price, as well as your rock bottom price.  A matchmaker will ask you to describe your ideal partner and then ask you to look at what areas you are prepared to compromise.  At this point a good Real Estate Agent and a good Matchmaker will let you know if, in their professional opinion, you are being unrealistic.  A real estate agent knows the property market, and a matchmaker knows the dating ‘market’.   It’s a real shame that too many people price themselves out of the market  by having a long list of demands or by having expectations that are unrealistic. Of course everyone wants the best partner they can find, but it pays to have a good look at yourself and ask “What do I have to offer?” and “Would someone like this, be looking for someone like me?” Most people spend an awful lot of time worrying about what they want to get out of a relationship and very little time thinking about what they are bringing to it.

Then of course we need to look at the important issue of aesthetics. Real Estate Agents know that sellers who fail to properly present their properties are likely to take a lot longer to sell and are going to have a much tougher time getting a good price.  In matters of love and attraction, we all need to have a good long look in the mirror and see whether  what is reflected there is likely to attract the type of person we are hoping for. For example, if you are 20kgs  over weight but don’t want to accept a partner who is overweight,  then you probably are being unrealistic.  In 24 years I have never had anyone tell me they look old for their age. Every single person thinks they look younger than they do. I’ll let you in on a secret. – just because your friends tell you something, doesn’t mean its completely true. Friends are nice to  friends, that’s why they are their friends!  In the same way people never see their houses as others see them, they rarely see themselves as others do. So have an objective look at yourself. Could you use a new haircut?  Could your wardrobe use a bit of a refresh?  When you are going to a meeting, have you spent the time to make yourself look as good as possible, rather than just turning up in whatever you put on that morning?

The final and most important point is DON’T SABOTAGE THE DEAL.

There is a good reason Real Estate Agents prefer to show a property when the seller is not home. They don’t want the seller to talk themselves out of a deal.  In the matchmaking business however, you will need to be a lot more involved!  This is when you need to listen to our advice.  Estate Agents know that it’s pretty hard to sell a property without getting the person to look at it. They know that when a person sees a property and falls IN LOVE it will usually overcome obstacles like too high a price, not the right suburb, etc.  Often what brings us happiness is not exactly what we thought.

When it comes to finding love and happiness, there is ZERO chance of finding that if you don’t meet the person in the first place. People who get on the phone and give the person a virtual job interview before dismissing them as unsuitable for whatever reason are going to fight an uphill battle to find a partner. Ditto people who get on the phone and tell the person their life history and everything that is wrong with them.

We all have positives and negatives, no one is perfect. A natural part of the courting process is getting to know a person and deciding whether the good outweighs the not so good.  There is no need to lay everything on the table on the first phone call or meeting. Don’t proceed to set out your list of demands or expectations. Just relax, go and meet and see if you click. The right person may not end up being everything you thought you wanted, yet still be far more than you dreamed.

 

There is nothing like a man with a plan

You only get one chance to make a good first impression, so it is worth the time and effort to do a little planning.  Women love a “take charge guy”. Now that doesn’t mean they like someone who wants to bully or control. It means women are attracted to a man who is able to make a plan and a decision without having to refer to them. There’s nothing attractive about feeling like someones mother! So when you are ringing a lady for the first time, have a plan. Make a short list of appropriate venues that are local to the lady.  You want the lady to be in her comfort zone so that she is relaxed and at ease when you meet. If she feels unsafe or anxious due to the venue, she will equate these feelings to being with you and you most certainly won’t get a second date.

When you ring, be calm and assured, introduce yourself and suggest the two of you get together for a coffee or drink or whatever you had in mind.  Suggest a venue and but also say “unless there is somewhere in particular you would like to meet?”  Have a couple of backup venues in mind in case she is not keen on your first choice.

Happy dating!

Joanne

 

Getting to know you is a process

Over many years of introducing men and women I have found that the single biggest mistake people make (and quite frankly one of the rudest habits we see) is “GRILLING” the person they have been introduced to about such topics as

*Why did you split up with your ex?

*When was your last relationship?

*Why are you single?

*Why did you join the agency?

*Who else have you met?

*How much did you pay the agency?

Not only are these sorts of questions inappropriate, they are downright RUDE!

People who persist in asking these sorts of questions are unlikely to ever find a partner until they cease this behaviour.

Some people even think they know better or have special rights because they work as counselors or therapists.  Some people say “I’m just inquisitive”.

No you are just rude.

Just because you have been ‘introduced’ to a person doesn’t mean you should throw all the normal rules out the window and put the other party through some kind of interrogation. If you had been introduced through a mutual friend or colleague or met through mutual interests you wouldn’t ask those sorts of questions. 

Treat the people you meet through the agency with the same respect as you would treat people you met anywhere.

On the same topic, be sure you are not guilty of ‘unloading’ about your past to the people you meet.

Never run down your past partner or the previous people you have been introduced to. It does NOT make you look good. Quite the opposite in fact.

People want a partner to enhance their life, no one wants to meet someone who complains about everyone and everything, or apportions blame for every problem they have.

So put on a happy face and talk about something else!